Medical Terms

Because the faculty here at Bethel are not really teaching me anything about what I will use in my career (unless being able to find derivatives can cure sick patients) I have taken it upon myself to find out what the advanced PA students are learning. No surprize, the advanced PA students still have the same sense of humor and playful personalities of beginning PA students. In what little free time (and I mean very little) the PA students have they like to joke about the medical world. What I happened upon was a discussion of medical terms and their untraditional meanings. Below is a list of medical terms that were discussed. Some I had heard before others were new to me.

Aerobe – a garment worn around the house
Alimentary – what Holmes said to Watson
Anally – occurring yearly
Artery – study of paintings
Bacteria – back door of cafeteria
Barium – what doctors do when treatments fail
Benign – what an eight-year-old wants to be
Botulism – tendency to make mistakes
Bowel – letter like A.E.I.O.U
Buccal – does up you belt
Caesarian section – district in Rome
Cardiology – advanced study of poker playing
Carpal – someone you drive to work with
Cat scan – searching for kitty
Cauterize – Made eye contact with her
Colic – sheep dog
Coma – a punctuation mark
Congenital – friendly
Coronary – domesticated yellow bird
D&C - where Washington is
Diarrhea - journal of daily events
Dilate - to live long
Enema - not a friend
Fester - quicker
Fibula - a small lie
Ganglia – a very tall thin person
Genes – blue denim slacks
Genital - non-Jewish
G.I. Series - soldiers' ball game
Grippe - suitcase
Hangnail - coat hook
Impatient – tired of waiting
Impotent - distinguished, well known
Intense pain - torture in a teepee
Intern – one after another
Labor pain - got hurt at work
Medical staff - doctor's cane
Morbid - higher offer
Nitrate - cheaper than day rate
Node - was aware of
Outpatient - person who had fainted
Pap smear - fatherhood test
Paralyze – two far-fetched stories
Pelvis - cousin of Elvis
Post operative - letter carrier
Protein - favoring young people
Rectum - darn near killed 'em
Recovery room - place to do upholstery
Rheumatic - amorous
Scar - rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion - hiding anything
Seizure - Roman emperor
Serology - study of knighthood
Tablet - small tablet
Terminal illness - sickness at airport
Tibia - country in North Africa
Triple bypass – better than a quarterback sneak
Tumor - an extra pair
Urine - opposite of you're out
Varicose - located nearby
Vein - conceited

Wow. That was a lot longer than expected.
The PA program is now selling T-shirts with some of these terms on it to raise money.